can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
