I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
