I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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