i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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