I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
