"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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