I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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