You made me cry and you don't even care
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
