Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
