I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
