I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this boner is exhausting
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
