I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
