apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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