I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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