I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
