We won't sleep together?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
