That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
