he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
