i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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