i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
