you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We left an ass print on the piano.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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