i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
