great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize