Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
