make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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