Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
