I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
