dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
