Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
