guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
