I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize