i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
