i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
