I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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