Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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