Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
