I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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