my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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