My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
