So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
