Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
