I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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