I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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