Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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