me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
