Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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