I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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