I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
