Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
