Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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