I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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