She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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