Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
