Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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